Grief + The Strength to Keep Living

Anonymous Entry

The day my granny passed away, something inside me shattered.

I felt every painful emotion crash over me all at once—grief, disbelief, desperation. It was like the entire world stopped moving, but my heart was pounding, breaking apart with every second that passed.

I held my granny, my hands gripping her frail body as if I could somehow pull her back, save her, keep her here with me. I tried to lift her out of that hospital bed, refusing to accept what was happening. My family grabbed me, their voices telling me, ‘No, you can’t do that.’ But I didn’t care. I couldn’t just let her go.

And then, I watched.

I watched the life slip from her body, felt the warmth fade from her skin. A hollow, unbearable ache settled deep in my chest. I knew in that moment that a part of me was leaving with her—something I would never get back.

People started saying the usual things. ‘It’s going to be okay,’ ‘She’s in a better place now.’ But I didn’t want to hear it. I didn’t want their sympathy, their meaningless words. Nothing was okay. Nothing would ever be the same.

I didn’t just lose my granny that day—I lost a part of myself.

I went through one of the darkest times in my life, drowning in heavy drug use and shutting out the world. I stopped caring—about myself, about anything or anyone around me. It felt like I was just existing, lost in a cycle I couldn’t break.

But as time passed, I started praying. A lot.

I found myself talking to my granny through those prayers, searching for some kind of guidance, some kind of peace. Then one night, I had a dream. She was there, looking at me, and she said, ‘You have to do better.’

That moment changed everything.

I started slowing down on the drugs, started going to church, and for the first time in a long time, I felt a sense of peace. I felt close to her again.

I got into the Bible, letting scripture lead me. Eventually, I made the hardest but best decision—I moved away from the environment that had kept me trapped for so long.

I found solace in quiet moments, like sitting by the lake, just talking to my granny. Somehow, it made me feel even closer to her, like she was still watching over me.

As time went on, my life started to turn around. I got a job, a car, a home. There were days I would talk to others about my granny, about how losing her made me feel numb, how I once lived recklessly, searching for happiness in all the wrong places.

But through it all, I found my way back.

I learned to respect myself again, to build a life I could be proud of. And deep down, I know my granny has been with me every step of the way.

#SoulConfessionBlog